Robin Arender: From Self-Loathing to Self-Love

Speaker 1: 0:00

The following program is sponsored by Ron Meyers Ministries.

Speaker 2: 0:05

It's time now to get the hell out of your life. A weekly broadcast with real people sharing real struggles and offering real hope. Today's show will encourage, inspire and empower you to face life's challenges with a bold confidence and renewed hope. Now let's join our host, ron Meyers. The Provider.

Ron Meyers: 0:29

Hello, my friends, it is so good to be with you today. If I was to ask you, what do you love about yourself? What would you tell me? My guest today was asked that very same question a few years ago and she burst out in tears and said lady, I don't even like myself. Sometimes that low self-esteem, self-image, will destroy our hopes. Our dreams lead us to drugs, to alcoholism, divorce, and today's guest, robin Arunder, went through all of that. But then she met hope, and hope, named Jesus, changed her life. So I encourage you to invest a few minutes to listen to Robin's story. It is encouraging, empowering and very inspirational. Robin, I'm so glad you are going to share your story. So, robin Arunder, what is your story?

Robin Arender: 1:43

Oh wow. I grew up in a small town, in Simpson County. I always felt different about myself. I couldn't put a nail on my head what it was, but I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I tried so hard to make friends and I just felt like I was different from all of them. I don't know what it was. I grew up in church. I was in the youth group children's. My mom always took us to church. She was an angel. I could remember riding to church and she'd say devil, get behind me, devil. And I didn't understand what she meant.

Robin Arender: 2:24

Until later on in life I saw my first relationship. My first marriage was abuse of relationship. It was physical, it was mental. In that relationship I developed an eating disorder. I felt that I needed to look a certain way, act a certain way. I never had self-esteem for myself. I went to treatment for that. I got out of the relationship. Then I met my kids' dads, noel and Nick, and we stayed together for 13 years. It was a pretty good marriage. We went to church, we were there every time the doors opened. Soccer games, softball games. It was all about the kids. But I realized later that I was using them to fill my void in life, making everything about them and not dealing with my own issues. My kids are precious to me. They love me. Today they have been there for me In 13 years.

Robin Arender: 3:30

Later we got divorced. Within five years I had my mom die, my men, my daughter die. I lost a little girl, lani Gray. She lived for 20 minutes. Let me just go back a little bit. Before that marriage I found out that I was an alcoholic. I was drinking way too much, but during this marriage there was no drinking at all. But after we got divorced I thought, you know, I can have just that one drink With all the important people in my life that have passed away. You know I looked to them for advice, for comfort, and now I just felt kind of on my own. We were divorced there I turned away from the church that we went into. I had my kids and I just I turned to the bottle to ease my comfort and to bring some kind of comfort and pain.

Ron Meyers: 4:26

Well, that had to be a vicious cycle of life, because every day you wake up there's more pain. But to numb the pain, you take a drink and you go on and on. How long did this last?

Robin Arender: 4:38

And it was to numb the pain. I was not a partier or anything like that, it was strictly to numb the pain. It lasted on and off for probably 10 more years. I got in another domestic violence relationship and we lived together and I was so ashamed and embarrassed of that relationship because, you know, I put my kids, the ones that I love the most, I put them to the wayside. I just I didn't know how to handle life and I went about it in a bad way instead of asking for help. You know, I always tried to be perfect and I always tried to put on a persona on the outside and have a smile, but deep down inside I was just. I hated myself, I was lonely on the inside. You know, I was just. I was hurting. I was hurting.

Ron Meyers: 5:36

I read in part of your story that you lived I think this was on your third relationship, my last one Kind of like on a little desert island or something. It wasn't a desert island, but you were isolated. There was only one way in and one way out. Tell us about that.

Robin Arender: 5:53

This last and final guy that I was with. I met him on a dating site, you know, and I think, well, I know, yeah, I just didn't want to be alone. I didn't trust the decisions that I made. I needed somebody to tell me what to do and I didn't want to be alone. So I, you know, I said, well, I guess I'll be miserable rather than being alone. I just didn't have the courage and the faith that I needed, always knew I was a Christian, always knew that God was there for me and I always knew that he could take the burden away from me. I just could not make that, that step into giving it all over to him. I don't know if it was a control thing or or what it was, but I just couldn't give myself completely to God and do what I needed to do. Yes, we were isolated, and if he didn't want to go out, we didn't go out, go to town or anything like that, and I put on a good front with my friends and family.

Ron Meyers: 6:53

But one day you had somebody come pick you up in a boat because your life was about to change, wasn't it?

Robin Arender: 7:00

Yeah, I, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I knew that I did not want to live the rest of my life this way. I knew that there had to be something more. And I had been talking with the women at the um Gov Coast Women's Center for nonviolence and you know they said Robin, when you're ready, come on, come on. So I called him and I said I'm coming. I had somebody come pick me up in a boat. I packed my suitcase of what I could pack. I got in my old raggedy car and I made it to the shelter and I can't tell you the good that they do for other people. Ms Patricia, there they are wonderful. They loved me until I could love myself. They welcomed me with open arms and the main thing about it is I felt safe. I felt really safe.

Ron Meyers: 7:56

You said something that's just really a powerful statement. They loved you until you could love yourself. So you really had this low self image and, as you said a little bit ago, no self esteem. All of a sudden, life was starting to change. You were starting to feel good about yourself. You knew that God had created you with a purpose and a destiny.

Robin Arender: 8:22

It didn't happen overnight. There was so many things. I kept on drinking. They got me a grant for my own apartment and things were looking up. I had found me a job. You know I've always had really good jobs, decent jobs, and you know I was just thankful to get whatever job I could. It was so humbling to me and I got involved in alcoholics synonymous.

Robin Arender: 8:45

The first three steps are I can't, he can, I'll let him. I got into therapy. The therapy was the biggest motivator for me. When I walked in that room, she asked me. She said what do you love about yourself? And I promise you, tears just came streaming down my eyes because I was like lady, I don't even like myself. I don't know how you could think I love myself and I do want to say this January 2, 2019. This was before I went to the therapist.

Robin Arender: 9:20

I had ended up in the hospital, real sick from drinking, and I had seen what it did to my family, and that was when I got out of the hospital. I got on my knees and I said God, please take this from me, please take this desire, please help me. You know, it's like they say, just having faith of a mustard seed. That is all it took and my life started to change. And getting back in the therapy, you know I was thinking how in the world is therapy going to make me feel better? You know it's not a quick fix, it's not medicine. You know that I can just take and start feeling better. But she made me do things like write post-it notes with, put goals and all this kind of stuff. And you know, when we first started out I said, well, I did it, but it didn't mean anything to me. And she said keep doing it. And I did and I promise you that therapy and giving it all to God it, it filled that void in that hole.

Ron Meyers: 10:24

End listeners. She is a glowing young lady and right after the break you're going to hear what she's doing now in her testimony of God's faithfulness, mercy and, most important, of forgiveness.

Speaker 2: 10:41

You're listening to get the hell out of your life with your host, ron Myers. Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 1: 10:49

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Speaker 5: 11:26

We're looking for stories of hope and overcoming life struggles with God's grace. Your story validates God's love, mercy, restoration and forgiveness. We want to help you share your story with the world. Visit our website, thepromoterorg, and click on the Share your Story link and submit your story. Your testimony of God's amazing grace will change a person's destiny for eternity.

Speaker 6: 11:55

I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I am changed, lying naked on the floor.

Ron Meyers: 12:05

Illusion never changed Into something real and wide awake and I can see. The perfect sky is tall Listeners, welcome back, and the studio is with me today is Robin Arinder. Arinder, I said right, we have pronunciation classes here.

Robin Arender: 12:25

And Robin was in abusive relationship.

Ron Meyers: 12:31

She was a drinker, she had everything going against her, but then she fell to her knees. And now this segment she's going to tell you what God has been doing in her life and also to give some encouragement to others out there that just haven't failed to their knees yet. So, robin, life is starting to turn around. You have you and your children, and so tell us the what life is like now. How is the life for Robin Arinder?

Robin Arender: 13:04

You know, I've learned so much about myself and I you know my I was in all those domestic violence relationships and I took time off. I said, you know, I've got to work on myself and learn to love myself before I will be good for somebody else. And um, and that's what I did. And now when the next guy comes along, God willing, you know, he'll be lucky.

Ron Meyers: 13:30

He'll be very lucky. I love it. I love it and listen in your story. I'm going to share some things that you shared and then you can elaborate on them. You said there are numerous things I have learned along the way and so many tools I can use Now. I think this is great wisdom that you can share with others. One of them is hurt people hurt. What do?

Robin Arender: 13:53

you mean, I mean, you know, I know in all my domestic violence relationships you know they were narcissists, they were hurting themselves. You know, I know at times when I'm, when I hurt, I lash out at other people that that didn't even deserve it. You know we hurt and we just want to make everybody else around us miserable and hurt too.

Ron Meyers: 14:18

You also write God is still in the miracle business.

Robin Arender: 14:22

Absolutely. Look if he can, if he can change my heart the way he did. And I see miracles every day that are only described by God things, only described by God things. You know, I I can't emphasize enough what he, that void that he filled in my heart, that was missing forever, forever, and only him could do it.

Ron Meyers: 14:50

Yeah, only him, I agree. Another one you wrote I can only keep what I can give away.

Robin Arender: 14:58

What I'm saying by that is, you know, if, if I want to keep myself is spiritually fit, then I have to give that away. I have to be good to other people. I have to consider other people besides myself. I have to promote grace. Sometimes that's hard with some people when they don't act the way I want them to act, but I have to say you know, God gave me an imaginable grace, and who am I not to give grace to other people?

Ron Meyers: 15:31

You know that's so well put. I call it the boomerang effect. You know what we give comes back to us.

Robin Arender: 15:38

I can guarantee you in this works every time. If I'm having a bad day, if I step out of myself and do something for somebody else, that bad, that bad day gets better instantly.

Ron Meyers: 15:51

Here's one I love Don't stop before the miracle happens.

Robin Arender: 15:58

That's one of the sands that we say in alcoholics anonymous. I'm involved that, that too, you know. My first sponsor told me, as long as you're breathing, that's there's a chance. And I hold that with me. You know, when I first got sober and first started getting in recovery, you know, if I made it through the day, that was in a consciousness and that was good for that day. It was progress, not perfection.

Ron Meyers: 16:25

Progress, not perfection. I like that. That's good. You are definitely a wiser person than you were 10 or 15 years ago, aren't you?

Robin Arender: 16:33

No, absolutely. But it's nothing that I did, I promise. I just had to become willing.

Ron Meyers: 16:41

One of the other ones you wrote. I fall short every day on these describing the things we just talked about, but by recognizing them I get a chance to make things right and hopefully share my experience, strength and hope with someone suffering Wow.

Robin Arender: 16:59

That's right.

Ron Meyers: 17:00

So somebody out there right now that may be hurting, suffering in an abusive relationship, you can talk to them now one on one. Robin, what would you tell them?

Robin Arender: 17:12

I promise you things get better. There is a way out. It is not hopeless. God will turn that into hopeful. Whatever your situation is, I promise you ask for help. You know I never asked for help and until I did ask for help because I learned that when I get those feelings out there they lose that power over me. They don't control me anymore when I talk to somebody else about what's going on in my life.

Ron Meyers: 17:47

So is life good. Are you happy?

Robin Arender: 17:49

I am happy.

Ron Meyers: 17:51

How's your?

Robin Arender: 17:51

Yeah, I am happy.

Ron Meyers: 17:53

How's your children?

Robin Arender: 17:55

Oh gosh. You know they have been through so much and you know I had a lot of guilt and shame. It took me a while to get over that guilt and shame because they're the most important people in my life and you know I'd never thought that I would treat them the way that I did. And you know I stayed stuck in that. I stayed stuck in that guilt and shame and it was only till I got it out and I had to forgive myself. You know, when they say forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person, that's true. I can't afford to hold resentments. You know I have to face it head on. They have just. They love me today. They love me and I've told them. I said you know you have every reason not to love me, to hate me, things I've done, and they say you're supposed to love your mama. And you know we have such a good relationship.

Ron Meyers: 18:51

So, robin, what's the future? What do you hope to do one day with this new life?

Robin Arender: 18:56

You know, if I could quit work and talk about God all day long, I would. I just he's been that good to me and it makes me happy to talk about God Now. I have bad days. I do. I have some bad days, but the good days far outweigh the bad days.

Ron Meyers: 19:15

Well, I think everybody, if they're honest with themselves. We all have bad days, but you and I and others out there, we know who's in control of the day, and when we say God, I need your help, he comes in and he helps, doesn't?

Robin Arender: 19:28

he, he does, he does.

Ron Meyers: 19:30

Wow. Well, you know, the title of this show is Get the Hell Out of your Life. So now my question to you how does a person get the hell out of their life?

Robin Arender: 19:40

They take the first day out. They admit that. You know there's a problem, they acknowledge it. You know I can do anything once I acknowledge it. You know I have learned and it's taken many lessons to get out of the problem and getting in the solution, because there is a solution to every problem.

Ron Meyers: 20:00

I sent you a copy of my story. You did and you were telling me and I'm not doing this for any compliments, but you said that helped give you some courage to share your story.

Robin Arender: 20:12

It, did it, did Y'all. I am not a reader and when he sent me this book I was like, oh my goodness, I'm getting and I read it. I read it in two days and it's his powerful story of you know. A lot of times he kept getting knocked down, knocked down, but he had that faith in God and he just kept on moving and you know he has accomplished so much and the story inspired me that you know, if I lost every cent today, it would still be okay, as long as I trusted God.

Ron Meyers: 20:43

Well, you and I shared something you know the secret to everything in life it's not even a secret is that we just can't quit. We have to have faith in God, hold onto his hand and, through all those storms and all those trials and tribulations, just keep holding on, because he'll pull us through. You're stronger today because of the hell that you had in your life. You got the hell gone and now, as you said, you just want to talk about God all the time.

Robin Arender: 21:11

Yeah, that's what he's done to me. You know, I've learned today to base things on facts, not feelings. You know, when something arises, I have to get in the facts because those feelings will get in the way all the time.

Ron Meyers: 21:24

Well, before we go, would you pray for us, for the listeners out there.

Robin Arender: 21:30

Sure, I'd be glad to Our Heavenly Father we just come to you today, lord, and I just pray for anybody out there that's struggling. Lord, you already know their needs. You already know who they are. You've got your arms just waiting for them, lord. I just pray that they'll just make that simple step and come to you. I pray for all the people who are hurting. Lord, I know what it feels like, I know what it hurts, and I know what it feels like to be at the very bottom and to just feel like the worst person in the world. I pray that, lord, that you will just lift them up, and I just thank you for doing that already. Lord, in your precious name, we pray Amen.

Ron Meyers: 22:14

Amen, Robin. Hey, listen, if somebody wants to send you a thumbs up or just a message, they heard you Are you on social media.

Robin Arender: 22:22

I am on Facebook.

Ron Meyers: 22:23

Okay.

Robin Arender: 22:23

Robin Orender.

Ron Meyers: 22:25

And how do you spell that last name? A-r-e-n-d-e-r, r-n-d-r, r-n-d-r. Well, robin, good, I think somebody will reach out to you. You are a blessing and thank you for sharing your story, and you just got one of your prayers answered to talk about God through radio and podcasts that go all over the world. So, thank you. God is so pleased with you.

Robin Arender: 22:50

Thank you, I appreciate it. I was a little nervous and I probably stuttered some words, but that's okay, it's not about me.

Ron Meyers: 22:58

But you know, the tagline for this show is real people, real stories, real struggles and real hope, and you just shared some real hope. Thank you, Robin.

Robin Arender: 23:07

Thank you. I just want to say I've had some great friends too.

Ron Meyers: 23:11

You want to mention them.

Robin Arender: 23:12

Go ahead, oh gosh, just some great friends that have come into my life.

Ron Meyers: 23:18

We all need friends, don't we?

Robin Arender: 23:19

Yeah, and they're true friends. I didn't know how to be a friend. I had to learn how to be a friend too, and they helped me along the way.

Ron Meyers: 23:26

Amen. Well, God bless you and look forward to checking in with you again soon and we'll see what's happening in the life of Robin Orender.

Robin Arender: 23:33

Okay, I'm excited.

Speaker 2: 23:35

You're listening to Get the Hell Out of your Life with your host, ron Myers. Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 6: 23:45

Has hope become a stranger in your life? Do you feel trapped? Are you caught in a whirlpool of life and responsibilities that you can't escape? Maybe hope is gone because someone robbed you of your childhood or your youth, or maybe it's a dream that you know will never come true. We can wish differently, but life will never be painless. But you're saying where can I find a place where there is peace? Peace is found only in Jesus Christ, crucified and resurrected. Jesus is triumphant over every pain, every failure, every heartbreak and every hope for this life. Jesus tells us if anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. If you would like to speak with someone right now about beginning a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, call 888-NEED-HIM or go to wwwchataboutjesuscom.

Speaker 1: 24:45

God will be back in a moment to wrap up today's conversation. We want to encourage you today with God's promise to you. It comes from the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29, verse 11, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and the future. That's God's promise to you, and you choose to commit your plans and future to Him. Now back to Ron.

Speaker 2: 26:40

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