Speaker 1: 0:01

It's time now to get the hell out of your life. A weekly broadcast with real people sharing real struggles and offering real hope. Today's show will encourage, inspire and empower you to face life's challenges with a bold confidence and renewed hope. Now let's join our host, ron Myers. The promoter.

Speaker 2: 0:21

Hello, my friends, it is so good to be with you for another great episode. I've got a question, though, for you Do you have any secret sins? You know things that nobody knows about. Ah, you don't want to say, well, that's okay, because God already knows. In today's show, maybe we'll shed some light on what you should do about those secret sins. I used to have all kinds of secret sins and I got to Jesus and it took care of the sins. I was forgiven. But then I was haunted by my past, and then I found out that when he forgave me, he forgave me. My past was free, and today I'm free to be who God created me to be. And that's the point of this show to help you discover your destiny. And my guest today is Hal Hal Selby. He was leading a secret life and one day he assembled a church together so he could share his secret sin. Hal, thanks for coming into the studios to share your story. So, hal, what's your story?

Speaker 3: 1:15

So my wife and I are involved in a ministry that is called Refuge 461, which is a Christian discipleship ministry to those with same-sex attraction. We offer help and hope to those individuals, couples and families whose lives have been impacted by homosexuality, and so we've been doing this for a number of years and do a lot of things in that ministry. But the question I get asked often because I was a pastor for a long, long time and I get asked well, how on earth do you get involved in a ministry to those who have same sex attraction? And the reality is is that my life was impacted by homosexuality and and so came out of that lifestyle about 25 years ago, and the story of how that happened is just to me, is just an amazing story of what Jesus does in our lives and the freedom that he gives us, that we have in Jesus Christ. Would you like to share that? Yeah, I'd love to.

Speaker 3: 2:14

So I was pastor at First Baptist Church, ocean Springs had been there since 1994. And I was preparing a sermon and in that sermon I was looking at the story of Cain and Abel and my preconceived idea of what I was going to do in that message was how God accepts one person's worship and doesn't accept the other. And so in studying that Genesis 4 passage, I did what I always did I'd search the Bible to see all that I could find in the Bible about Abel and about Cain. And so, in my search for about Abel, everything that mentioned was good and ended in Hebrews, chapter 11, that said that Abel was a righteous man, that he was a man of faith. And then, when I searched Cain, everything in the Bible about Cain was negative, leading to 1 John, chapter 3, where John said that Cain was of the evil one. Chapter three, that where John said that Cain was of the evil one. And so immediately I realized that what was going on in Genesis four was not about two believers in God worshiping but was about being right with God. And Abel brought the blood sacrifice, cain brought the fruit and God said you know, that's not right, you've got to bring the right one. And if you bring what's right, then you'll be accepted. And it was all obviously pointing toward the coming of Christ and that kind of thing. Well, in 1 John, chapter 3, the verse near where it said that Cain was of the evil one, it says that he who practices sin has never been born of God, and immediately God just kind of put his finger on the sin in my life that I had known was there, had been there as far back as I could remember.

Speaker 3: 3:45

I struggled with same-sex attraction and God just told me that day. He said how you've never been born again. I'd been pastoring for nearly 20 years. This was in my life. I'd been married for 12 years, had three kids, secretly lived this lifestyle, learned could cover it by lying, and had successfully done that for all my life.

Speaker 3: 4:05

I grew up in a time when homosexuality was condemned by the church. It's controversial in media and very few people were out and open. I'm 65. So I grew up in the 70s. I was a teenager, and so homosexuality was not out and open like it is today, and so I was always scared to tell anybody or try to ask anybody for any kind of help. But God said to me how you've never been born again. And so I was always scared to tell anybody or try to ask anybody for any kind of help. But God said to me how you've never been born again, and I was like I don't even know how to process this, and so I just closed my Bible and walked out of my study.

Speaker 3: 4:34

That was in September of 1999. And in November of that same year my wife and I went to a precept Bible conference for couples in Chattanooga, tennessee, with Kay Arthur. My wife, Lisa, had been working through some Bible studies with some folks in Ocean Springs and so we sat in that couples conference on that Saturday night and when Kay opened the study she said turn in your Bibles to 1 John, chapter 3. And she laid out the same conclusions that God had shown me in studying that passage a couple of months earlier. This was November of 99. And that night, at the end of the service, as she led in the invitation, the Lord just said to me Hal, you have never been born again.

Speaker 3: 5:15

And I remember my response that night to the Lord was you know, I don't know how to handle all this. I don't know how I'm going to tell people that I was lost and now I'm saved. But, jesus, I want you more than I want anything in my life. And so that night in that invitation I just said to the Lord God, I know I'm a sinner. It wasn't necessarily that homosexuality made me lost, it was sin that made me lost and I needed a savior. And so that night I just asked the Lord to to forgive me and to save me, and, and, and he did, by faith. I believed that he did. I remember, because I'd been a pastor for a long time.

Speaker 3: 5:52

I thought, well, I'm not sure how Kay Arthur is going to bring this to a close, whether she's going to say if you've saved, come forward. Or or stand up. And I was like I'm not going forward, I'm not standing up, because my wife didn't know, and I knew if she knew that I got saved, she would want to know. So what made you think you were lost? And I didn't know how I was going to answer that question to her. Yet. Well, what Kay Arthur said that night was she said if you've made this decision to trust Christ, I just want you to lift your head up and look in my direction and when our eyes meet, that'll be kind of your beginning steps, of a commitment. I kid you not. I lifted my head up and Kay Arthur is looking straight at me, and I wasn't asking God for a sign, but it was just a confirmation that God was at work. I didn't tell my wife I mean, I was crying. She knew something was happening, but I just couldn't tell her that I had gotten saved because I didn't know how I was going to answer any question that she might ask. And so we left and we came home.

Speaker 3: 6:48

And so on Wednesday of that next week after we got home, I had gone to New Orleans to visit a church member in the hospital and that trip anytime I went out of town was an opportunity for me to act out, and that trip was different. Something felt different about it. Places I would have stopped in the past were different and I just wept on my way to the hospital. God, you really did something in my life. And I got back to my study at First Baptist and I didn't know what to do. But the night that I got saved Kay said because there was a lot of men that got saved that night she said if you need somebody to talk to, we have men on our staff. And you did so.

Speaker 3: 7:23

I called, talked to David Lawson, who was one of the Bible leaders there at Precept. He was the first person that I had ever told about my struggle with homosexuality and he said have you told Lisa? And I said no. I said I don't know how to tell her. I don't know what to say. Satan had convinced me, if anybody ever found out about my struggle, that I would lose everything. I would lose my wife, my family, my friends, my career, my calling, everything would be gone. And so he said well, let me ask you this question. He said have you ever been tested for HIV? Because my lifestyle had been very promiscuous. And I said no. I said I'm scared to death. But I have not. I said but how am I going to do that? I can't go to a local doctor in Ocean Springs and say I'm the pastor of First Baptist and I need an HIV test. He said, well, let me see if I can find a place for you. And so he had some friends in Mobile and he found me a doctor's office.

Speaker 3: 8:15

And how that came about was incredible, because the Monday after we got back from the conference in Chattanooga, lisa and I had gone to Mobile Christmas shopping and there was an accident on I-10 going to Mobile. And I said, well, when we come back we're going to come through Airport Boulevard and kind of bypass that area. And we passed this TGI Fridays and I just saw it and I said, hey, that'd be a great place to come one Friday night or something to have dinner, and that was it. So when David Lawson gave me the name of this doctor, I called them to make the appointment and the receptionist said do you know where we're located? I said I don't, I just know you're on Airport Boulevard. She said do you know where TGI Fridays is? And I said yeah, I absolutely do. And again, it was just another one of those because God had told me I've got this, I will take care of every detail, you just trust me. And so on that Wednesday that I was on a Wednesday it was Tuesday I went to New Orleans.

Speaker 3: 9:08

Wednesday was the day I told Lisa I left and went to Mobile, had the blood test. This was pre-cell phone days, and so Lisa didn't have any way to get in touch with me. Somebody in the church had died. They were looking for me. Nobody could find me. Nobody knew where I was because I'd gone to Mobile. I thought I'll run over there, I'll do it and I'll get back into town.

Speaker 3: 9:27

So when I got back to lunch I walked in and Lisa was like where have you been? And I said just riding around. She said doing what. I said just thinking. She said thinking about what? And she was pretty upset that I was late for lunch and that nobody could find me. And I started crying and it scared her because she thought maybe something happened to our other, our children. We had three children One was still at home at the time as a baby and or something had happened to her parents and so she put our baby to bed at lunch and then we sat down on the sofa and I told her.

Speaker 3: 9:58

I said I said for as long as I remember, I said I got saved on Saturday night and she was happy about that. I knew she would be. But then she asked me what I knew. She would ask what made you think you were lost? And you know she offered some suggestions. You know, are you a drug addict? Do you drink? You know she'd never seen any of those things in my life.

Speaker 3: 10:16

And I said for as long as I could remember, including our 12 years of marriage, I said I've been involved in homosexuality. And the first words that she said to me were I forgive you and I'm not leaving. And I didn't know if I really believed that or not. But at that time we had been married 12 years and we're in our 37, 38, fixing to be 38 years of marriage, praise God. And so God just did some, you know, some amazing things.

Speaker 3: 10:43

We had a long road to go after that, so that's why you resigned. That's why I resigned First Baptist. Wow, well, and I resigned First Baptist. I got saved. I told the church we confided in a few friends after I told Lisa I resigned my church and I just told them that I got saved and that God had given me the freedom that I didn't have to say what sin was in my life. And that night when I did that, the church applauded. You know, people literally clapped. But I just said you know, I just, I just don't need to pastor anymore. And and so I stepped down from the, from the church at that point.

Speaker 2: 11:18

Well, the first thing I want to say is God bless you and thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story, hal. I think there are a lot of people sitting in church that have never asked Jesus into their heart. They're just doing what they've been told to do Go to church every Sunday, right? No, that's true.

Speaker 3: 11:34

I remember when I was early teens I would walk the church aisle. I grew up in a little country Baptist church. I'd walk the aisle every Sunday and I had been baptized. I had said that I had trusted Jesus to save me. But I don't understand all of the details, except that God said how you've never truly been saved. I did a lot of religious things. I went to seminary. I had two seminary degrees. I had pastored for 20 years. People ask me so how you know. But your churches were successful. How I said the only reason is I preach the word. It wasn't me anyway, it was God, and it was the word of God that was impacting people's lives, not me. And I said that's all I can, that I can say.

Speaker 2: 12:13

When we're doing something wrong in our life, god can still use the message that we're speaking, even though our behavior may not match up. God can still have us minister to people and you thrive. But you weren't a happy camper inside, were you? No?

Speaker 3: 12:30

In fact I would, like I said I would get out of town somehow to act out and I hated myself, I hated what I did. I begged God to forgive me, you know, and I would tell him how sorry I was, and sometimes it would be during the week before I'd preach on Sunday, and it was like God, I just I feel, so I feel horrible, you know, to even try to do this and all.

Speaker 2: 12:54

You know, hal, all my guests over the years we talk about the freedom we have in Christ and coming clean and walking in our destiny, and the one thing is that we can wake up every day and it's a new day. I'm not defined by my past, I'm defined by my future and it's a pretty good feeling.

Speaker 3: 13:15

Yeah, it's definitely different. I remember, I can remember any time a storm came up, you know, I was like scared to death and a bolt of lightning. God had to know this God's after me. And I remember, after I got saved, I remember just saying in my heart and mind to the Lord God, I mean, my life was such a wreck and I was such a hypocrite, why did you not just punish me and strike me dead? And I'm telling you, just as if I didn't hear an audible voice, but it was as clear if it had been audible. The Lord said Hal, you didn't just get off scot-free, I punished my son in your place. Ooh, that's a good one, and that's grace. That's grace, you know, and that's what it is, and that's what gives such encouragement.

Speaker 2: 13:58

And there's something that happens to us when we come out of the closet, so to speak. If we look for perfect behavior, there is none on this planet. That's right. We're going to stumble. That's why his forgiveness is eternal. So tell us about your ministry.

Speaker 3: 14:14

You have now. So another part of what happened at First Baptist was a few months after I had resigned, the church came back and the chairman of their new search committee said Hal, we don't care that you're now saved, we're glad of that, but we want you to consider coming back to be our pastor. And I said you know, you can't even consider that I'm not, I don't even think that I should. But you can't do that without knowing the whole story. And at that point God had given Lisa and me. We just felt his leading to be open about what was going on in our lives. And so on March 5th, the year 2000, the church gave me permission to share my whole story. And I tell people that on that night the church was basically packed people in the balcony. And I tell I jokingly say, when the preacher's going to tell the dirt in his life, everybody shows up to hear it. You know, and they were shocked. The church was. They didn't know, you know, didn't really know how to handle all of that.

Speaker 3: 15:09

But God gave us such courage. I had been secret about that for so many years of my life and I had been told don't say a word. I had ministry leaders saying don't say anything about this and you can go on. I'm like, no, I'm not doing that, god's got something different. And God gave us such courage. I remember it was Mardi Gras weekend and when our kids got back to town, I parked my car, walked them into the school because I'm like I'm not hiding anymore, and it was out of that that God then called us into this ministry, and so we've been doing this.

Speaker 3: 15:40

We're appointed missionaries, evangelism catalysts with the North American Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention, and we work with churches. We work with individuals who struggle with same-sex attraction, and it's typically people with unwanted people who, like I was, who struggle, but they don't want it and they don't know that there is freedom in Christ, and so we work with them. We work with parents who have children that are gay identified, that are involved in homosexuality, and just encourage them and pray for them and with them. And then we work with churches. We want to help churches to know how to respond redemptively to those who are involved in the LGBTQ community.

Speaker 2: 16:18

How do they get in touch with you?

Speaker 3: 16:19

So we have a website, refuge461.org. Refuge461.org is the primary way. There's a whole lot more I need to do to get this word out, but mostly it's just by word of mouth. Refuge461.org is the primary way. There's a whole lot more I need to do to get this word out, but mostly it's just by word of mouth and just people hearing. We go to Mississippi Baptist Convention, we share our story and we go into churches. We'll share our testimony. We'll do Q&A time with the church where they get to ask questions about it, Because most people they hear what the world says about homosexuality but they don't know from a biblical standpoint and they've never talked to anybody who lived in that lifestyle, and so people really respond well to that kind of thing.

Speaker 3: 17:03

My wife and I have written a Bible study and I meant to bring you a copy and I'll get you one, though it's called Live Free, One Step at a Time. I tell people I'm not trying to get free from homosexuality. When I got saved, Jesus freed me from the bondage of sin. I'm learning now to live in the freedom that is already mine in Jesus Christ. Amen. And the reality is it's all about discipleship and sanctification, because you know, whatever your struggle may have been in your life. It's maybe different and probably is different.

Speaker 2: 17:30

But it's still a struggle, it's still sin.

Speaker 3: 17:32

And the same truth of the word of God and the power of the spirit that helps you live free helps me live in that freedom. You're exactly right.

Speaker 2: 17:40

What an incredible wife to look at you and say I forgive you and let's stay married. What did they say? They're so behind every successful man is a good woman. That's right.

Speaker 3: 17:50

It's so true. She is such a godly woman and I'm telling you her faith in God and her commitment, I mean we, just when I told her and we began our journey, we just engulfed ourselves in the word of God and seeking him, and that's what made the difference in our lives. It wasn't easy. I mean, we had counseling. You know she'll tell you that she didn't just say I forgive you and then turn cartwheels. You know like, oh great, this is okay. No, we had a long road to go down.

Speaker 2: 18:19

And now look at your ministering in experience. God is so cool. Friends, you've heard me say on this show Jesus has a plan and it is a perfect plan. Before we go, pastor. The title of the show is Get the Hell Out of your Life. So how do you get the hell out of your life?

Speaker 3: 18:35

Yeah, it's walking in that freedom that's ours in Christ. It's being responsive to Jesus drawing us to himself he's the only one that can do that and then, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to just walk that out step by step, day by day. It is a relationship with Him. It is a walk with Him, but he enables us and equips us to be able to do that in our lives.

Speaker 2: 18:58

There are people that are going to identify with every syllable you just said. Will you close us out in prayer?

Speaker 3: 19:04

Sure, and I'm open to anyone contacting. I can leave my information. They can go to our website at refuge461.org. It'll have my contact information on there and we're more than willing to help kind of guide them in that, all right.

Speaker 3: 19:20

So, father, you are so good and I am so grateful for God, your love for us. I'm thankful, god, that you draw us to yourself, lord, that God, that you show us grace and mercy, and God, that your desire is to restore us to yourself and to reconcile us to yourself. And I'm thankful, god, for that, and I thank you. How, lord, you take the mess of our lives and you turn it into our message. You take our past and you turn it into a platform for ministry. You take our history and you turn it into your story of grace.

Speaker 3: 19:55

And, god, what happens is that you get the glory out of it, and so I thank you, god, for that. I thank you, god, for that, I thank you for this opportunity and I pray for anyone that is listening, god, that is a struggler in this area, lord, that they would reach out. There is hope, there is help, there is freedom in Jesus Christ and, god, you have a great pray. You continue to bless Ron in this ministry as he gets the word out to people of the great God that we serve and the power of Jesus to transform lives. In your name, we pray Amen.

Speaker 2: 20:32

When I return, three power thoughts you can never forget.

Speaker 1: 20:38

You're listening to Get the Hell Out of your Life with your host, ron Myers. Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 4: 20:47

Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

Speaker 1: 20:51

I'm in the head of encouragement.

Speaker 5: 20:54

This is the journey.

Speaker 4: 20:56

My name is Mark and I want to encourage you today that if you've asked Jesus to forgive you of your sins, you are indeed forgiven. The problem is we have trouble forgiving ourselves. Once we come to Christ, we are suddenly aware of all the things we've done in our life. Guilt rushes in and we become burdened by our shame. But Jesus came that we might have life and have life more abundantly. This means understanding that when you asked Jesus to forgive you, he did. In 2 Corinthians 3, paul reminds us where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. When Jesus set you free, he took away the spiritual death penalty you were facing before you came to Christ. But you can live your life in freedom today, knowing that God has removed that sin from you as far as the east is from the west. In a relationship with Jesus, you are forgiven and free.

Speaker 5: 21:53

Here's a refreshing word for you today from Galatians, chapter 2, 20. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me, the life I live, in the body. I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Get the hell out of your life.

Speaker 2: 22:34

Welcome back listeners. Hal's story what a story. I just love stories that bring courage and conviction and hope to people, because somebody actually stands up, says what they were dealing with and how God came in and radically changed them. Thank you again, hal.

Speaker 2: 22:54

I said before the break that I want to share three power thoughts. I mean these are three power words that you never need to forget, because they are the strength of our walk with Christ. One is grace God's unearned favor and kindness towards you. It's not something you can earn or deserve, but it is a free gift from God that brings you into a relationship with him through Jesus. Grace means that God loves you and accepts you just as you are, without having to do anything to earn his love period.

Speaker 2: 23:30

Number two is total forgiveness. This is one that radically changed my life when I finally got it Total forgiveness. In Christ, you are completely forgiven of all your sins, past, present and future. This forgiveness is not based on your ability to confess every sin or make up for your mistakes. Instead, it's based on Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, which was sufficient to take away all your sins once and for all. Hebrews 10.14 says it best by one offering, he has made us perfect forever. So, friend, you don't have to worry about whether your past sins are too much for God to forgive. They've already been dealt with through Jesus.

Speaker 2: 24:14

Period and number three freedom in Christ Freedom. Real freedom means you are free from the power of sin and the demands of the law. The cares of the world no longer define you. Your past mistakes don't define you by the guilt and shame and condemnation that they bring. No, instead, you're free to live a life led by the Spirit, experiencing the love, the joy, the peace that comes from your relationship with God. Period, friends, three power thoughts to never forget, because these are truths, and these truths mean that you can rest in the assurance of God's love and acceptance, knowing that nothing can separate you from him, nothing can snatch you from his hands. Your past sins are not too much for God to forgive and you can live in the freedom and joy of being his beloved child. How do you get the hell out of your life?

Speaker 5: 25:15

Get on your knees and cry out to the Lord. He hears you, right where you are. How?

Speaker 2: 25:20

to get the hell out of your life.

Speaker 3: 25:21

Well, yeah, replace it with Jesus. We gotta be born again, born of the Spirit, and that's by trusting Jesus Christ, turning from our sins and trusting Jesus.

Speaker 4: 25:28

You find out about this man by the name of Jesus, who went to the cross and gave his life so that we will have a life more abundantly. And if you can receive that love, he will love that hell out of you.

Speaker 5: 25:41

You trust in him and you let him love the hell right out of you.

Speaker 2: 25:45

How do you get the hell out of your life? Oh gosh, jesus, jesus.

Speaker 4: 25:49

Jesus, Turn to Jesus. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.

Speaker 2: 25:58

No one comes to the Father except through him. Well, friends, my time is up and I pray that you got the hell out of your life today, because life is good and when you get the hell out of your life, you are able to see things that you have never seen, because you see them from a God perspective. Will you do me a favor? Will you tell someone about this podcast? It's called Get the Hell Out of your Life. I will be back next week with another great episode. Until next week, this is Ron Myers, reminding you that I love you, jesus loves you, and when you give Jesus your heart, you not only get the hell out of your life, but life gets good. Give the hell out, give the hell out, give the hell out of your life.

Speaker 1: 26:50

Today's show is proudly underwritten by the Christmas City Gift Show. Mark your calendars for November 7th through the 9th and experience the magic inside the Christmas City Gift Show inside the Mississippi Coast Convention Center located on the beach in Biloxi, mississippi. For more information, visit ChristmasCastedgiftshowcom. If you would like to be a guest and share your story of God's amazing grace, visit our website, thepromoterorg and click the share your story tab button. Thanks for listening and if you would like to listen to previous episodes, click on the podcast tab at thepromoterorg. Join us next week for another edition of Get the Hell Out of your Life Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 4: 27:31

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