Speaker 1: 0:01

It's time now to get the hell out of your life. A weekly broadcast with real people sharing real struggles and offering real hope. Today's show will encourage, inspire and empower you to face life's challenges with a bold confidence and renewed hope. Now let's join our host, ron Myers. The promoter.

Speaker 3: 0:23

Hello, my friend, I am so glad to be with you today. If you had the type of week that I had, well, then you need some encouragement. I had a rough week, but with God, all things work together for good. Now, if this is your first time listening, my name is Ron Myers and this show is about sharing stories about Jesus. That's right real stories, real struggles and real hope. 99% of my guests never met Jesus inside of a church. They met Jesus when they began a search for the answers to is Jesus real and will he help me with my troubles. Is Jesus real and will he help me with my troubles? Today's guest is Captain Ron, a man who loves to share his story about battling sexual addiction. Welcome to the studios, captain Ron. How are you today?

Speaker 4: 1:17

If I was any better, I'd be twins.

Speaker 3: 1:21

I've heard that a few times. Well, we're going to talk about something today. Your story, it's an unspoken story. Most we're going to talk about something today. Your story, it's an unspoken story. Most people don't want to talk about this. So what is the unspoken sin Secret?

Speaker 4: 1:34

sexual addiction, secret sex behavior, pornography is a good one.

Speaker 3: 1:42

Now, how long have you dealt with this?

Speaker 4: 1:44

Probably since I was eight not eight, but maybe 10, 11, 12 years old.

Speaker 3: 1:51

Does an addict with anything, whether it's drugs, alcohol or pornography? Are you ever cured?

Speaker 4: 1:57

Well, it's a yes and no. Alcohol and drugs. Those are something that you can give up. But sex and eating you have to eat and we're sexual beings. So it's hard to say I'm going to stop this. I've gotten help in this area. It was a long, hard road. It wasn't easy and it's a lifetime thing. You don't go take a course or see a pastor or something and all of a sudden you're free from it. It's not that God can't do this, it's not that he can't free us from this, because he can. He can do anything. But sex addiction is something that's in the flesh. You have to discipline the flesh. You can't cast it out like it's a demon or a devil because it's in the flesh. You have to discipline the flesh. You can't cast it out like it's a demon or a devil because it's in the flesh. It's your flesh. You have to discipline, it has to be disciplined, and it takes a while to do that.

Speaker 3: 2:54

Preachers youth leaders, women, men. This is a rampant problem, it's rampant.

Speaker 4: 3:01

It's everybody, just about everybody. I mean the statistics say 70% of men Christian men struggle with it and 50% of the pastors struggle with it and 50% of the women struggle with it. And the fastest-growing segment of people who look at porn now are young teenage girls, because they're wanting to find out what the boys are looking at, and so they're. They're exploring in the in in the porn to find out what it's all about, and then it's very easy to get hooked. All you got to do is just look at it once if it's so rampant, why is it unspoken in the churches?

Speaker 4: 3:44

Well, two things you don't talk about in church is money and sex.

Speaker 3: 3:48

Why is that?

Speaker 4: 3:49

Well, people don't want to hear it, they'll leave and you start talking about and sexual immorality is the top of the list of works of the flesh and it's the thing that's least talked about. So you would think that a preacher would talk about that, would start at the top of the list of things that are are are works of the flesh, but it never gets mentioned.

Speaker 3: 4:15

And, um, since half the preachers struggle with it, they certainly ain't going to talk about it but you called me up and you want to share your story, your struggles with that, because you want to help other people out there.

Speaker 4: 4:30

That's right. That's absolutely right. It's a very dark place, uh, to get into, uh and uh. When you're in there, at first it just seems like, well, it's no big deal, everybody does it, it's just no big deal. But it is a big deal. It's a very, very big deal. And it just goes down a dark path. It gets darker and darker and darker and I got to the point to where I didn't want to do that anymore. I didn't want to do that, and that's when I found out how big of a deal it was, because I wanted to stop and realize that I couldn't stop.

Speaker 3: 5:04

Well, I think there's a hunger in all of us, whether we acknowledge God or we do not acknowledge God. There's a hunger in us to look for truth.

Speaker 4: 5:12

But, more important, we are giving the devil a foothold in our life, and if you want to stop doing that and find help, where are you going to go? I thought if I went to church and a lot of people probably think that, well, if I go to church, they can help me at church because it's a spiritual matter it's a. It's immorality is a spiritual matter. I mean, there's more to it than that, but then we'll start there. So there's a great deal of shame that goes along with sex addiction, and there's probably more shame with sex addiction than there is. First, I want to point out that sex addiction is not about sex so much as it is about medicating the pain that's in your life.

Speaker 3: 6:00

Is that what you were doing?

Speaker 4: 6:01

You were medicating pain in your life. Right, I was medicating the heck out of it, but a lot of people don't know what the pain is. They just know they have pain and probably the biggest pain is I'm not worthy, I am a mistake. I'm a God goofed up when he made me. You know, the world would be better off without me.

Speaker 3: 6:27

Then really I can drink, I can smoke drugs, I can watch porn. I can do anything, because you know what. It doesn't really matter, because no one cares about me. Is that what you're kind of saying?

Speaker 4: 6:38

Yeah, uh, but you, you, you're trying to to medicate that pain. You don't want to feel that pain you don't want to feel. You'll do anything not to feel that pain. Shame toxic shame is a is a terrible thing and people will do anything not to feel that. And that's why I believe all the addictions are that we get caught up in is that we're just trying to medicate that pain.

Speaker 3: 7:00

So are you saying today there is hope, that there is life after the unspoken sin?

Speaker 4: 7:05

There's absolutely hope. There's plenty of hope, Hope, there's all kind of hope that's available. But here's the problem If you ask any alcoholic or a person that uses drug or porn or anything do you want to stop? Well, they want to stop. They'll do anything in the world. They'll tell you that it depends on what part of the cycle that they're in. They'll tell you anything. They'll tell you I want to stop this more than anything else. And then, okay, well, you need to do this and this and this. And then it's a oh wait, a minute, I didn't know, I had to do it today. Can we do this tomorrow?

Speaker 3: 7:38

Well, how long did you personally deal with it before you said enough is enough and I'm going to make a change today? 20 years, 20 years 30 years.

Speaker 4: 7:48

When I got on the internet for the first time, the first thing I wanted to do show me how to get to a porn site. That's the very first thing back in dial-up time. Before that it was renting videos from those seedy adult stores, and before that it was looking at magazines. And before that, as a child, it was browsing Sears and Roebuck catalogs and going to the ladies section to see girls in panties.

Speaker 3: 8:16

And we have to remind people that's not a flaw in you. We are human. We are flawed individuals. Sex it's an emotion in us, so God created us to multiply and have sex, but in an area of marriage.

Speaker 4: 8:30

Right where he says it's okay to have it. We're sexual beings. You can't. Just, I'm not going to be sexually. You can't do that For most people or some people are, but it doesn't matter if it's not for anybody else. If it's for you, then you know it's for you, I mean, and it just, and it's fun, it's exciting for a while until you want to stop. And then, when you try and stop, then you realize how much in bondage you are.

Speaker 3: 9:01

That's the word bondage. So you were in bondage, so did it? Consume you it consumed me.

Speaker 4: 9:07

When I got on, I had an online business, so I had to be online all the time. Well, I ended up spending four, spending four, five, six hours a day looking at porn. You can't look at it and not act out in some way or the other. You're going to act out with self-medication or you're going to go out and find someone else to act out with. You can't just look at it and walk away from it.

Speaker 3: 9:35

It just it doesn't happen. No, but you have a passion. You are absolutely committed to help people get out of bondage and live the life that God created them to live.

Speaker 4: 9:48

Absolutely. I mean, it's probably nothing that you know men. They like to feel like they can handle things on their own. I can do this, I don't need any help. I don't need any help with this. I don't need any help with that. But when it comes to this, you can't do it on your own. You absolutely have to have accountability with other men who are struggling with it in order to get any victory over it at all. I can't tell you how many times I quit, I quit, I quit. I'm never going to do it again. 30 minutes later, I'm back doing it again.

Speaker 3: 10:30

How do people deal with this? If churches don't talk about it, where can people go to get?

Speaker 4: 10:37

help. Well, there's a program called Soul Refiner soulrefinercom. It was a.

Speaker 3: 10:44

As a matter of fact, captain Ron, I went to their website and let's listen to a promotion about this program, and then we can talk about it. I was a rageaholic, I was an alcoholic and I was a sex addict. You have to understand the addictive dynamics that you're fighting. You will renew the structure of your mind.

Speaker 5: 11:10

The Conquer series is the most successful small group series ever made, and we're just getting started. We spent the past seven years working on something that will totally transform the church. Wounded and broken people are flooding our pews, enslaved to addictions, marriages, families lives are falling apart, so we decided to come alongside the church and do something about it. It's called Soul Refiner. We're putting something big in small groups, hey.

Speaker 2: 11:51

You have been prisoners long enough. How much longer are you going to let those chains?

Speaker 1: 11:56

bind you.

Speaker 5: 11:57

This is a turnkey ministry for your church, a powerful tool to help people deal with life's deepest struggles soulrefinercom is a website where you or your church can stream cinematic small group videos that focus on lifelong healing and freedom we're not going for short termterm Band-Aid stuff. We're going for permanent leadership. We've gathered the top Christian teachers and experts and created original content to provide answers and solutions to the tough and messy issues of life. Sometimes we bring some things into our families that maybe shouldn't be there.

Speaker 1: 12:33

I had to face it. I had to do the hard stuff. Today I can teach you all kinds of parenting techniques, but the key is you need to be a healthy person. Let's make church the place where you heal from whatever life throws at you.

Speaker 4: 12:48

No fluff, no cheese Jesus didn't die on the cross to give us the ability to cope. He died on the cross to give us the ability to cope. He died on the cross to give us the ability to conquer.

Speaker 5: 12:56

Grace covers our sins, but it doesn't take away our problems. Soulrefinercom is more than a website where you can stream cinematic small group series on inner healing. It's a platform for you to safely and easily create, manage and lead groups, learn together, hold each other accountable, track progress and experience true discipleship anywhere, anytime, on any device.

Speaker 6: 13:20

The essence of Soul Refiner is sanctification. It's to disciple men, women and children to become conquerors, overcomers and leaders in Christ. Transformation happens by the renewing of the mind.

Speaker 5: 13:31

If you want God to do something new, you have to have a different approach. We hope you'll join us. Let's bring healing to the broken and freedom to the captives.

Speaker 2: 13:41

Whom the sun sets free is free indeed.

Speaker 5: 13:45

Sign up at soulrefinercom, where true transformation begins in the refiner's fire.

Speaker 3: 13:53

Well, Captain Rahm, that's a promo of the program that has helped you immensely in life overcome sexual addiction. Tell us a little bit about that.

Speaker 4: 14:05

Part of the alumni that produced the program was a former Marine pilot who flied in Vietnam. He was an alcoholic, a rageaholic and a sexaholic and, uh, he put this program together to help me and and it's the best one that I've ever seen. You're talking about Ted. Yeah, ted Ted Roberts, dr Ted Roberts, and it's called a conquer series and it's put on by soul refinercom.

Speaker 3: 14:31

So somebody that doesn't want to, because, as you said earlier that if you are dealing with shame, you're not going to go tell your preacher, you're not going to tell your priest, you're not going to go tell your rabbi, you're not going to go tell anybody. But you can go online to soulrefinercom and begin a journey to become free, to get out of bondage.

Speaker 4: 14:52

Right, you can get. You can get out of bondage. You can. It takes a while, it takes in. In 90 days you can get a good handle on it. But it's going to be two to two to five years, they say, for you to get totally free. And personally, after having done this, uh, for the last 10 years, I believe that once you start the journey, it's just going to be a lifetime thing. You're not never going to be totally free. You can go back in it, just in, in, just like that and uh.

Speaker 3: 15:25

Well, it's like anything drugs, alcohol, you know. It just is something that discipline and and through God, and through programs and and talking with people, with other men With other men.

Speaker 4: 15:38

Accountability with other men. Do you have that? I have that.

Speaker 3: 15:42

Where do you have that? Do you have that online or do you have that locally?

Speaker 4: 15:45

I have some online and I have some locally. I have some online and I have some locally. I have people that, uh, when I uh, when I'm starting to slip, that I can call, that, they can rock, uh, they can walk me through.

Speaker 3: 15:58

So is accountability important.

Speaker 4: 16:00

A very accountability is 50% of it. You're not going to do it on your own. You're not going to. Uh, it's just not going to happen. That's like grading your own term papers.

Speaker 3: 16:11

You're older now and you dealt with it for many years. Do you ever look back and realize how much you missed out on life because you didn't have the tools or resources, that your life may be totally different than if you could have got help 15, 20 years?

Speaker 4: 16:27

ago, it would have been totally different. I've spent most of my adult life dealing with mental health issues and addictions of one kind or another, and this is by far been the worst one.

Speaker 3: 16:39

One thing that the point of this whole show is about is that God has this incredible, awesome plan for each of us. I want you to just talk to that person right now, to somebody that tuned in and is saying man, I wish I didn't hear this, because now I'm going to be accountable for it.

Speaker 4: 16:55

I just heard God loves everybody and God certainly loves you, but he's not going to let you stay in your sin. He doesn't want you in your sin. That's not his plan for your life. So you have a choice to make. Porn addiction ultimately comes down to you making a choice Am I going to do this or am I not going to do this? And you have to get a handle on it, because when you're in bondage to it, you don't have a choice. It just happens, it just comes out of nowhere. You can promise your wife, you can promise the pastor, you can promise yourself a hundred times with the most passion and and and and uh commitment that you can come up with, that You're never going to do it again and you're going to turn right around doing again. That's just the nature of it. And uh, uh it's bondage and you know I don't want to be in bondage. I didn't like it.

Speaker 3: 17:52

Sometimes, when we are idle and we're not doing anything, that's when temptation just comes in like a flood, doesn't it?

Speaker 4: 18:00

Oh, absolutely. Oh, I'm just going to have a little peek. I'm just going to have a little peek, it's not. You might not even start looking at hardcore stuff. You might start looking at, just maybe, girls in bikinis and they're, they're, they're sexy and you, you, you know. And then one thing leads to another, right, one thing leads to another. What you're doing is that you got dopamine in your brain so you can, you're desensitized, you're desensitized to it. So I've been clean for porn for about two years, but I still have memories. I have memories of things that I used to do, and all I have to do is just allow myself to just to just uh, uh, uh, glide over to some some memories, and that dopamine pump starts pumping just a little bit, and then you want a little bit more and then a little bit, and it's not going to be a medication and it's not going to be.

Speaker 3: 18:52

That may be part of it, and maybe talking to a counselor or a doctor or preacher is part of it, but we have to totally surrender to Jesus. Right, we have to give it all to him. Will you pray right now for people out there?

Speaker 4: 19:06

Yes, Lord, I just come to you right now, at this time, and I'm just so blessed to be with Ron here and thank him for the opportunity to and I'm honored by this to reach out and help other people. If you're struggling with this, guys and it's not just guys, girls if you're struggling with this, it's never going to end. You're never going to stop it on your own. If you think that, well, I'll grow out of it when I get older I'm 73 years old and I'm just now getting out of it You're not going to get married and things are going to get better. Things will be fine for six months or a year, and then you're going to go back to looking at porn. That's just the nature of it. You can't do it on your own. So please seek out for help. Seek help. Don't be afraid to raise your hand and say I need help. Help's readily available. You can have victory over this, but only with other people and the blood of Jesus, amen, amen.

Speaker 1: 20:20

You're listening to Get the Hell Out of your Life with your host, ron Myers. Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 5: 20:27

Here's a refreshing word today from Ephesians 5, 17 and 18.

Speaker 3: 20:31

Therefore, do not be unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the spirit.

Speaker 6: 20:41

The story you're about to see, for the most part is true. It's going to happen, just like the Bible said Someday Jesus is coming back and taking his followers to heaven.

Speaker 1: 20:51

Lord have mercy. I hate to fly.

Speaker 6: 20:53

You'll be glad to be there and God will be glad to see you. My boy, my boy whoo, You'll have a big get together with family and friends.

Speaker 3: 20:59

Well, now ain't this just like old times? Huh, they'll show you around the place.

Speaker 6: 21:03

That's my place right over there. It's going to be great. But to get there, you first have to ask yourself an important question have you been saved? Yeah, believe it or not, this world is headed toward a dead end. Should I get out of town before sundown? Yeah, and Jesus Christ is your only hope of rescue, because you'll never be good enough to make it to heaven on your own, and religion just won't do the trick.

Speaker 3: 21:23

Well, I don't want to miss out on heaven on account of a technicality.

Speaker 6: 21:26

You won't miss out if you let Jesus impact your life. So if you want more out of life than living and dying, get to know Jesus Christ and you'll be ready for your ultimate destination in heaven.

Speaker 4: 21:35

There sure is going to be some interesting people at that party it.

Speaker 5: 21:42

You don't like where you're headed, rearrange it get the hell out of your life welcome back listeners, captain ron.

Speaker 3: 22:06

What a story. But who doesn't have a story? All of us deal with something, but it is only through faith that I have been able to overcome some pretty challenging things in my life, and I love to share stories that other people share what they're going through. You know, sometimes you think you're alone, don don't you? You think nobody understands what I'm going through. Well, my guests do. My guests met Jesus outside of a church. My guests met Jesus when they needed something to hold on to because everything seemed to be falling apart, and they found something out that is so important that we can never forget that.

Speaker 3: 22:52

Jesus loves to minister to you and to me. He loves to encourage, inspire us, download some new thoughts. He just needs us to be willing to step out of the way. He just needs us to be willing to step out of the way and just trust the finished works of Jesus. Have you ever really thought how perfect of a job Jesus did? I mean, he did it perfectly. There is nothing that he didn't do, giving us total forgiveness, freedom to become the person he created us to be. This grace that he gave us is unbelievable.

Speaker 3: 23:40

And people that struggle, like Captain Ron or some of my other guests. And just like I do and you do, we all struggle. There is no one on this planet that doesn't sin. Every human being on this planet sins. Yes, the Pope does, billy Graham did, everybody does. We're humans, nobody except Jesus, who walked this earth as fully human, fully divine, no sin and trusting now in him.

Speaker 3: 24:12

Because, friends, how would you get through today, tomorrow, next week without faith? And you say, well, ron, that's easy. I don't have faith, I know, but you have to rely on the faith of yourself, you have to be prepared, you have to come up with all the answers, you have to understand what you have to do for your family, for your life, for your job, for your sanity. At least us Christians, we still have to try to figure things out, but when we let go and let God help us figure it out, then we are ministered to, we have these new ideas and even if nothing happens overnight, it allows us to sleep with some peace, because while we are sleeping and resting in the finished works of Jesus, he's behind the scenes arranging things to how he needs it to fall in place, and we will walk right into what he needs us to walk into and it's never a ditch, it's never bad.

Speaker 3: 25:25

I've discovered over the years of walking with Jesus that I give up trying to figure out what he's going to do. I can't even comprehend the things that happen in my life. When they do, I'm thinking I could have never figured this out Never and what it does, it helps people like me that need faith that hey, listen, I don't have a problem saying that I don't want to try to figure this stuff out on my own anymore because I have screwed up too many things. It is amazing what life is like when I let Jesus inspire, encourage and minister to me. Jesus inspire, encourage and minister to me. So, friends, my thought for you today is this that, no matter what is happening in your life, there is something in your future that will address all the needs and the hurts and the ideas and desires, everything in your life. It's just a waiting game. We don't know how long to wait, but if we trust and wait upon the Lord, upon Jesus, he will deliver. I believe it, my guests believe it, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Speaker 2: 26:46

Ron, we'll be back in a moment to wrap up today's conversation. We want to encourage you today with God's promise to it. Ron, we'll be back in a moment to wrap up today's conversation. We want to encourage you today with God's promise to you. It comes from the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29, verse 11. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and the future. That's God's promise to you when you choose to commit your plans and future to him Now back to Ron.

Speaker 3: 27:20

Well, friends, my time is up, and this week do not allow anyone or anything to steal your joy. Your day is your day. Pray in the morning that God controls the circumstances that enter your day. Think positive, trust Jesus and remember Jesus loves you, I love you, and when you give Jesus your heart, you discover the awesome plan that he has for you.

Speaker 1: 27:49

Get the Hell Out of your Life is underwritten by the Christmas City Gift Show. We invite you to come shop with over 255 vendors from all over the United States from November 8th through the 10th inside the Coast Convention Center located on the beach in Biloxi, Mississippi. You can find more information at ChristmasCityGiftShowcom. Thanks for listening, and if you would like to share your story of what God has done in your life or listen to previous episodes, please visit our website, thepromoterorg. Join us next week for another episode of Get the Hell Out of your Life Real stories, real struggles and real hope.