Get The Hell Out of Your Life

My Soul Needs a Friend

May 15, 2024 Kandi Anderson Farris Season 5 Episode 20

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Feeling alone in a bustling world is a paradox many of us know all too well. My journey through the deserts of despair and the search for a connection that transcends human imperfection is laid bare in a conversation with the insightful Kandi Anderson Ferris. We unravel the raw emotions of loneliness, a silent battle for a staggering number of individuals, particularly young adults. Together, we consider the need to prepare our children for life's inevitable isolation, challenging the glossy Hollywood portrayal of flawless relationships, and offer a perspective of companionship that promises unconditional love and support—especially when the road gets rocky.

The narrative then shifts to a place of hope and solace in God's love, where I share my experiences of finding true connection in what felt like an endless sea of faces. With Kandi's wisdom, we illuminate the lives of biblical figures like David, whose heartfelt relationship with God demonstrates that we are all welcome in the realm of divine grace—flaws and all. This episode is not just about understanding loneliness but also about discovering the profound companionship available to us through faith, a relationship that patiently fills the void with a love that knows no bounds. Join us as we explore the promise that even in our loneliest moments, we are never truly alone.

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Announcer:

It's time now to get the hell out of your life. A weekly broadcast with real people sharing real struggles and offering real hope. Today's show will encourage, inspire and empower you to face life's challenges with a bold confidence and renewed hope. Now let's join our host, ron Myers. The promoter.

Ron Meyers:

Hello, my friends, it is so good to be with you today. Today is a great day. To make it a great day, my name is Ron Myers, I'm your host, and this is the show that encourages, inspires and empowers individuals to become everything they were created to be. Well, today's show is a very special show to me because it brought me back to a lot of memories that they're hard to think about, but it was those rough days where I was so lonely, so out of it, so lonely. That's really the only world. It's like nothing I could do could fill the void in my life. Nobody understood me, and I did some research today.

Ron Meyers:

According to a 2020 survey, 36% of American adults report feeling lonely frequently or all the time. Now, loneliness is really prevalent among the younger adults, with 61% of those between age 18 and 25. Friends, what if I could bring you a show today that, when you listen to it, it will encourage you and realize that every human being on this planet goes through a stage of loneliness? So I went back to my archives and got one of my favorite programs from one of my favorite guests, candy Anderson Ferris. It's called my Soul Needs a Friend.

Ron Meyers:

I think sometimes, as adults, one of the things that we fail to do is tell our kids that there will be times in life where things will happen. Circumstances will come in their life that will be devastating. They'll be lonely, they'll be abandoned. They will think that there is nobody out there that cares about them, and sometimes we know what that could possibly lead to and we don't want that. As adults, we tell our children about going to school, college, getting a good job, honesty, integrity all the things that we need for a good, productive life. But perhaps we've left out one of the most important things is preparing them for that day of loneliness, of isolation, of despair. And it comes in everybody's life, and I'm skeptical of these Hollywood fairy tale romances that a lot of couples seem to have, you know, their perfect soulmate? I don't know. I'm a little skeptical because of my years of experience.

Ron Meyers:

I have found that we are still human. We say we do dumb things, we make the other person upset or mad and selfish behavior in both parts take place. That just is life, because that's how the human beings are. We try so hard to do the right thing, but sometimes the right thing leads to doing nothing right but everything wrong, and then you have regrets, you say you're sorry, but they never forget and it often leads to bitterness or resentment.

Ron Meyers:

So is there a friend for the soul that doesn't remember all the things we did wrong? Is there a friend for the soul that doesn't remember all the things we did wrong? Is there a friend for the soul that will love us unconditionally? Is there a friend for the soul that will hold us when we have an unexpected loss of a loved one, a family member, our dear friend of a loved one, a family member or dear friend? Is there a friend for the soul that will hold our hand as we go through a dry desert of despair, discouragement and not understanding what life is about? I brought in today a good friend of mine, author, speaker and writer, candy Anderson Ferris, to talk about this subject and friends. I think you're going to be encouraged with today's show. Hi, candy, how are you hey?

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

how are you Ron?

Ron Meyers:

I'm doing fine. Such a good subject. My soul needs a friend, it really is. Yeah, and you heard my opening. What are your thoughts?

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

Okay, first of all, church is a place that we can find community, and that's what we all need is community. But sometimes, even on a Sunday morning, we present ourselves as happy. Everything's perfect. You know, we've been in a fight on the way to church. But when we get out immediately our face goes to a smile and all is well with the world.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

And so we put on a mask many times, even entering the church, and sometimes it breaks down when we have one on one discipling or discipleship training, which I think is very important in the church. That leads us to a place of knowing Christ more. He said he would be our friend. We would no longer call him servant, no longer be servants, but call him friend. And so, um, it's important to um know that you can be in a room full of people uh, you can be in a room full of loud people in your home uh, just everybody having a ball and you feel lost and alone and you cannot make a connection with anyone.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

And that's at the point that, as I've heard said from the little girl in AG, america's Got Talent, that has cancer, she said sometimes God is on the bathroom floor. The lower we get, the more we have need of a savior, and he's oftentimes the only place that we're going to find. That God shaped hole can be filled by his presence. I've been there, you've been there, you've been there. We all know that things don't present themselves well to make us unafraid, insecure, lonely. It doesn't fill us, and so the scripture I read today says awake, o sleeper. We need to wake up to the fact that the only thing that will fill that God-shaped hole is God himself, through Christ Jesus.

Ron Meyers:

A lot of people's response is I tried that God thing. It didn't work for me. But people have to be patient. It's not a snap of a finger, is it?

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

It's not feeling, it's fact. And the more time you abide in him and stay in his word, you have to get in that word. And when you get in the word I'm saying you start out with Holy Spirit, give me ears to hear and eyes to see. And I'm telling you it's a living word and he will have a word specifically for you when you trust him and you believe and your eyes are focused on him. I'm going to tell you a little portion of my testimony was when I was in high school and after I became saved.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

I say this humbly I was popular in school, I had cheerleader, who's who, all that kind of stuff, great grades in everything, student body president, and I was alone, very much alone, and so some things happened, and during that time I think Twiggy was probably the most admired person in the world, and so I for some reason got caught up in the whole idea of food replacing, or lack of there, replacing what I needed to be even better and less alone.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

To be even better and less alone, because even in the midst of being popular, a lot of times you feel really bereft and alone. And so I started with this downward spiral of being 110 pounds getting down to 88 pounds and was hospitalized for anorexia, and my parents just told me I needed to get well, and so that transitioned into bulimia and I became very, very ill. And my parents just told me I needed to get well, and so that transitioned into bulimia and I became very, very ill. And so the only thing, the only one that kept me alive, because I had no other recourse, was God himself and my faith, and I would walk for hours. It took a long time, but I would walk for hours. It took a long time, but I would walk for hours, and my song that filled my heart was I come to the garden alone and he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me, I am his own.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

So, having come out of that, I know that I will always and forever deal with weaknesses in my life. And so it's not a moment by moment thing with God, or I mean it is a moment by moment thing with God, not even a one day at a time thing. For me, it is a one moment by moment experience with my father and short breath prayers, knowing he's with me, regardless of anything, how I fail. Knowing God is to be fully known and fully loved. That is an incredible understanding that sometimes we have to not feel it but by on fact know that he died for me while I was yet a sinner. He has made provision for me when I mess up and his mercies are new every morning and I can trust him. And when I'm at my lowest, I lay on that floor and I tell him exactly how I feel no holes barred, I'm upset, I can't do this, I am not happy with the way things are.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

So, god, I need you. I can remember Roy Wyckoff at WAOY and his wife had cancer. I remember him getting to a point when he was in the middle of a drugstore and him just verbally allow, saying God, I can't, I need you. And that's where the friend, the friend of the soul, comes in and fills you with a peace that passes all understanding, and I have no way other to explain it than you have to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Ron Meyers:

Speak to that person now that says they just can't comprehend somebody actually loving them unconditionally because they done so many bad things. I've got so much baggage.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

That's who he works best with. That's exactly right. The rest of it. There's so many people who are so thinking they've got it all together and they're good and they don't have a need of God. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. There is not anyone who's lived. We were born into sin and he is the provision.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

When I was also in high school, the way I came to know the Lord is that a lay renewal group came through and we went out on a farm and the gentleman explained that there was a chasm here's me and here's God and there's a chasm. And the cross became the way to cross the chasm and that I couldn't do it because sin couldn't touch God because it would dirty him. So he made a way through Jesus Christ, his son, and once I got that and that he was on the throne of my life, I couldn't I mean you could hardly contain my joy and I didn't. It wasn't. I have to be obedient to God. I have to do what he says. I'm under this. You know, controlling God it was I get to.

Ron Meyers:

I get to.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

I get to and we get to be, as the word says, fools for Christ. And what looks foolish to the world is what God uses. I mean, he takes the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. And you know, it's in our weakness. We don't have to be strong, he's our strength. Sometimes we think we have to be strong, and in our weakness is when God works the best. It says in our weakness he is strong, he shows his strength. So it's very oftentimes that we need to admit that we are lonely and alone. And then, for those who right now are on the good side, we need to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ who feel isolated and who feel alone.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

In fact, I just read an article today of a young man who was a valedictorian and when he was a young boy he had a pile of books, was headed home, dropped his books. Well, he didn't drop the books. A mean group of kids came and knocked his glasses off and threw the books down. But there was one boy that came by him and thought what in the world does he have all his books? He must be a real nerd, but he helped him and he became his best friend. God presented him to that young man at such a time as this, and that's the way God loves us and is our friend through other people as well, because that boy that befriended him was the one that this young man talked about in his speech. As a valedictorian, he said I was on my way home to kill myself.

Ron Meyers:

Wow.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

And he said I had taken all my books so my mama wouldn't have to deal with it. And he said but this young man came along, he became my friend and pushed me to be the person I am today.

Announcer:

Wow.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

So it is also the provision that God gives us through other people and I want to be that person for someone I know. Other people have been that person for me.

Ron Meyers:

Look what's happening now in the world and the division between people. I think people are looking for that friend more now than at any other time in history. I didn't come to God when I was feeling good. No, I came to God, like you said, when I hit bottom and everybody eventually is going to hit bottom.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

Absolutely. My prayer for my children is always bringing their mountains down, their valleys up and make level their paths. But someone told me said you have to have the ups and downs to know that God is in control. Nothing grows on the mountaintop if there is a ridge around the mountaintop where the greenery stops, and so if we stay on the mountaintop we stop growing. It's in the valley where the beautiful things take place, and where the lush greenery is is because that's where we learn really who God is. If you read the Psalms, that's one of the biggest things. Where I know God is, my friend is. I'll just go stay in the Psalms I'll read Because David felt alone and he just knew that God was his help. David sinned, so everybody who makes that as a point of God won't want me needs to go look at the real people in the Bible.

Ron Meyers:

God's description of David that he was a man after his own heart.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

Man after God's own heart, and that was God's description.

Ron Meyers:

That was God's description.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

Yes, and he had failed so many times. Look at everybody. There's probably not, but maybe one or two people, three, maybe characters in the Bible that we don't see. That has some source of failure. Yeah, and so I'm very glad that God is authentic in his writings to us.

Ron Meyers:

What's some hope for somebody out there that is looking for a friend for their soul?

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

First of all, don't give up. There is a God who loves you. He's not in the Old Testament God, he's not a long period ago. I know, because I talked with him this morning and I talked about you this morning with him, that there's somebody listening that has a broken heart, is lonely, doesn't feel life is worth living anymore and he says come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. And he says come, learn from me, take my yoke, my burden is light and he wants to give you that kind of life. All you have to do is just listen for his voice. Not look to man, but look up. Your hope draweth nigh and I pray that someone across your path today that will give you the tools and the joy that comes from knowing Christ Jesus.

Ron Meyers:

Well, that was good Candy.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

I will say this, though I have hardly watched the news it's the best thing I've ever done, absolutely, that's people are so negative anymore and it's it's we're finding fault with everything, when we need to be looking at the, the Savior, who's coming back. God wins. I mean, that's why you want your friend. God wins, and it's not a battle between flesh and blood. This is not what's going on and we need not be afraid because people say well, you know, financially we may fail. Well, scripture says I've never seen the righteous forsaken or seed begging bread. There are. He said he's never leave us, he'll never forsake us. This is in God's plan. We need to stay the course, and his word says how. How do we know that we love Jesus, we follow his commands and we love one another?

Ron Meyers:

When I return my final thought helping you overcome loneliness.

Announcer:

You're listening to get the hell out of your Life with your host, ron Myers. Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 5:

Spending time with God should be a good thing. It should be enjoyable, even exciting. But some people approach God with the wrong attitude. Sometimes people have a tendency to get what's called paranoid. Their misconceptions about God actually keep them from getting close to God. They're afraid God won't accept them because of their sin. You just stink to high heaven. They think they'll be rejected because of their disobedience. You get some kind of pleasure out of not listening to me. They think God is so wise and intelligent that he'd just look down on them.

Kandi Anderson Ferris:

The guy's a lamb chopped short of a mixed grill, and wise and intelligent that he had just looked down on them.

Speaker 5:

The guy's a lamb chopped short of a mixed grill, and when they dare bring their request to God, he won't be too enthused. This ain't no supermarket boy. If this sounds familiar to you, then you've been listening to the devil. He's always trying to convince you that God is offended by you, but when Jesus died on the cross, he gave you access to God at any time, especially when you've sinned. So get rid of all those misconceptions. God's a lot more friendly than you might think. I'd love to hear about other people's problems and remember when you blow it the Bible says God is slow to anger and abundant in mercy.

Speaker 6:

See, I think that's beautiful. We would like to express our gratitude to Coffee News for their support of this program. Are you tired of scrolling through the same old news feeds every morning? Then switch things up with Coffee News. Our publication is filled with interesting stories, brain teasers and uplifting quotes that are sure to brighten your day. And now you can access Coffee News anytime, anywhere, by visiting our website. So whether you're sipping your morning coffee at your favorite cafe or browsing online from your desk, we've got you covered. Start your day off right with Coffee News at readcoffeenewsonlinecom.

Speaker 4:

With my heart. He never fails when I'm at my weakest. I will trust in Jesus, always in my heart. He knows the one who goes before me.

Ron Meyers:

Welcome back listeners. I love that conversation with Candy. She said a part in there about being in a crowd. But yet you that you feel alone.

Ron Meyers:

I went through that. I could be in these large crowds and I could be in these crowds. I was alone, I was isolated. I was actually thinking how I was going to exit, what I was doing. I was getting tired of it, the fun was gone and I knew God was pulling at my heart. But I would talk to people hey, hi, ron, how you doing? Oh, I'm doing fine, how are you? And in the back of my mind I was wondering when is this going to be over? I know one day it's going to be gone. I know the festivals are going to be gone, the carnival rides are going to be gone. I know they're going to be gone because I'm going to make them gone, but I don't know when I'm going to make them gone, because I can't make them gone now because I need the money.

Ron Meyers:

So it was that battle. And it's like you really are lonely because there is nobody you can talk to, because nobody understands all the hundreds of different things that you have to think about, because when you close one thing. It affects another thing. It affects your livelihood, your income, your everything is changed. So you have to be on the right page. I had to be, and that's when I just started getting closer and closer and closer to God. I had to because my life depended on it, my family's life depended on it, my dreams, my hopes. I was writing it all. I was placing everything I had on Jesus. I said everything I had on Jesus. I said I'm rolling the dice, it's you and me, jesus. And I did it. And it was difficult at first, but it was fun, it was peaceful. It was difficult because I really had to deal with not thinking sometimes that I could even have a relationship with Jesus here, could even have a relationship with Jesus here.

Ron Meyers:

The mud wrestling, bikini promoter, beer selling guy is now asking Jesus for help and man, he does it. He does it to everyone. There is no one out there in this world that is so special. We're all equal. We're all equal, and God's eyes is this If you have felt lonely, maybe you are going through now, you're missing someone so much I know I can relate to that.

Ron Meyers:

The only thing, the only thing, and I tried everything, friends, I mean everything. You put your imagination to it thing. You put your imagination to it. The only thing that was the healing medicine to my soul was Jesus, and he loves to do that. Because when he does what he does best, and that is to minister to us, to us, to minister to us and let us feel peace, then what happens? You become a believer. Feel peace. Then what happens? You become a believer. Your faith begins to grow day in and day out and soon you become a promoter. You're telling the other people what Jesus did at the worst times of your life. So if you're in that little valley right now, as Candy said, that is where you will always find the friend for your soul.

Announcer:

You're listening to Get the Hell Out of your Life with your host, ron Myers. Real stories, real struggles and real hope.

Speaker 7:

What's your story? We're looking for stories of hope and overcoming life's struggles with God's grace. Your story validates God's love, mercy, restoration and forgiveness. We want to help you share your story with the world. Visit our website, thepromoterorg, and click on the Share your Story link and submit your story. Your testimony of God's amazing grace will change a person's destiny for eternity.

Announcer:

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Speaker 6:

Ron will be back in a minute to close out today's show. We want to remind you today of the last words of Jesus it is finished. What is finished, the finished work of Jesus, refers to the complete and final accomplishment of salvation through his death and resurrection. It means that Jesus has done everything necessary for our forgiveness, redemption and reconciliation with God. Through His sacrifice on the cross, Jesus paid the price for our sins once and for all, providing total forgiveness and cleansing. This finished work of Jesus means that we no longer need to strive or work to earn God's favor or forgiveness. We can rest in the assurance that our salvation is secure and that we are fully accepted by God because of what Jesus has done for us. Now back to Ron.

Ron Meyers:

Well, friends, my time is up and remember today is a great day. To make it a great day. Be determined that you are going to have a change in your life. You have found a soul for your friend. His name is Jesus. Have those daily conversations. Just as Candy said, be open, be honest, be transparent. God loves a dialogue. The dialogue is where he ministers to us. So let Jesus minister to you today and remember that God has an incredible plan just for you. Check out my website, thepromoterorg Until next week. This is Ron Myers, reminding you that I love you. Vaughn Myers, reminding you that I love you. Jesus loves you, and when you give Jesus your heart, he will become the true friend for your soul.

Announcer:

Get the Hell Out of your Life is underwritten by the Christmas City Gift Show. We invite you to come shop with over 255 vendors from all over the United States from November 8th through the 10th inside the Coast Convention Center located on the beach in Biloxi, Mississippi. You can find more information at ChristmasCityGiftShowcom. Thanks for listening, and if you would like to share your story of what God has done in your life or listen to previous episodes, please visit our website, thepromoterorg. Join us next week for another episode of Get the Hell Out of your Life Real stories, real struggles and real hope.